I Need a Hero
by Acidbuk
Summary: Tali had always been a headstrong girl, taking after her mother, before she was a hero, before she was a Grey Warden, before she was a noble slayer and defender of her people she was just Tali and so much more  Multi-One-Shot
1. Longing

**Summary: **Tali had always been a headstrong girl, taking after her mother, before she was a hero, before she was a Grey Warden, before she was a noble slayer and defender of her people she was just Tali and so much more - Series of four to five one shots featuring Tali Tabris, and her thoughts about Shianni leading through her origin and up to the fall of Denirim.

**Rating: **PG-13.

**Warnings**_**: **__Suggestive themes nothing explicit _contains Shianni/Tabris pairing, you have been fairly warned, not further warning will be given

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Dragon Age, Bioware do, If I owned it there would be a lot more craziness going on.

**Longing**

Tali Tabris, she was laying on her side, one hand under her head, resting on its elbow, the other around the waist of the woman next to her, she was watching Shianni sleep. Her eyes closed tight as she reached over to play with an errant strand of crimson red hair, she wondered how it had all come to this point. It had all seemed so innocent at the time, "just practice", Shianni had said, to 'experiment' and find themselves, that was four years ago, and now on the eve of her wedding to a man she had never met, she still had her cousin in her bed, her lover, it had been so innocent but along the way it became something more, more than either of them would admit, would want to admit.

She supposed this would be their last night together, after tonight she would be expected to behave like a good girl and be a 'good wife' to her betrothed, a man she had never met, father had said his family had paid a good price for her, more than she was worth, having a reputation like hers was at least according to her father not a good thing, husbands looked for certain qualities in a wife – cooking, cleaning, childbearing, and most definitely _not_ sword fighting, drinking or swearing like an Antivan Sailor. Father had never even asked her preferences, what type of man she wanted or even of she want a _man_ at all, just assumed like he always did that he knew best, which in hindsight to many of her adventures he usually did. _'You are your mothers daughter'_ he would say, she wasn't sure how he would take it if he ever found out she was sleeping with not only another woman, but dear cousin Shianni or worse she was in love with her, she expected her father would likely die from heart attack of the shock of it, oh the scandal, the _shame_ of it all. Tali sighed. Of course keeping their relationship a secret for four years wasn't a easy task, not even Soris knew and that by itself was a small miricle but to keep it from father in such a close community of elves was no small measure.

Her last night as a free woman had been, something to remember, Shianni had made sure of that, she had weaselled a bottle of ale from Alevan and spent the night together. Shianni had asked if she would be a bridesmaid at the wedding, Tali had given her a nodding agreement, she didn't know how Shianni could do it, be so calm, so resigned about the whole thing, Shianni felt as deeply about this as she did but obligations were obligations and tomorrow she would stand and take her wedding vows to the man she would wed in front of her father, her lover and the rest of the alienage 'for the greater good', exactly who's greater good she did not know, it certainly wasn't hers. Or Shianni's that's for sure. She would miss this, miss the comfortable embraces, the small kisses in hidden places, the tender touches of her hands or her cheek to display affection, the way she would flick her nose if she wasn't paying attention and of course the warmth of her body in bed.

She would have to be strong, for Shianni, she couldn't show it, couldn't let them see it but tomorrow would break her heart as much as her cousins, but she wouldn't cry, she wouldn't let Shianni down like that, maybe in private after away from everyone else she would allow herself to break down, maybe, of course that had got four years, it was a good run, it was only because of her cousins outspoken unruly natures preventer father from securing a dowry that Shianni herself had not been married off so maybe she should be thankful for small miracles, happy they got as long as they did, rather than being bitter because its ending, that is what Shianni would say, that is what her mother would have said. Tali kept stroking her cousins hair, running a hand down the back of her ear, the ears were sensitive for elves, more so than in humans of that she knew.

Shianni opened her eyes and smiled, stretching out her arms, before letting them fall back down on the blankets that covered her chest; "What time is it Tali?" she said, they had taken to using first names when they were alone together.

"little after first light", Tali said.

"First light", Shianni repeated blinking in surprise; "Oh Crap! Cousin you're going to be late for your _own_ wedding we have so much to do, we have to get you fitted for your dress, arrange for gifts, let you meet your betrothed, organise the celebration for after!"

"Its fine Shianni, whatever happens will happen...", Tali said trailing off, looking down and showing no sign of wanting to move any time soon, even as Shianni moved to get up, pushing off the blankets to swing her bare legs over the edge of the bed. Tali put a hand on her arm to stop her, stroking it down her forearm to her hand entwining her fingers with her cousins. Shianni smiled.

"I don't want to do this", Tali said; "I don't want to get married"

"You don't really have much choice in the matter; you know how your father is and he has his heart set on this", Shianni said unable to meet her cousins eye.

"But I don't want it, I want _you_", Tali stated, it was not a question.

"I know", Shianni said looking down; "but we knew this wouldn't last forever, that...eventually one of us would have to face reality", she drove on her face scrunching up at every word and unable to hide the bitterness in her voice; "But we should be happy that _we_ happened at all, not that its ending" she said her voice cracking; "I don't regret it, do you?"

"Not a second", Tali answered firmly without hesitation;

"Good" Shianni said with a smile that lit up her eyes; Tali leaning up for a kiss, Shianni let her and they shared a tender moment as their lips met, melting the barriers between them, that said more than words could, then it was over and Shianni flicked her across the nose gently with the end of her finger. "Now behave cousin, if father walked in with your kissing me..."

"The jig would be up", Tali answered.

"Absolutely", Shianni answered; "I couldn't even say we were very drunk"

Tali laughed, a gentle musical sound which escaped her lips, "Maker, Shianni...", Tali said, pausing just a beat, closing her eyes to steady her resolve as she squeezed her cousins delicate hands, hands that melted into her own perfectly; there are moments, in every relationship, some moments, pivotal moments that are now or never, because if you don't do them now, you know you never will; Tali drew a breath; "Look I want you to know that I lo-"

"I know",, Shianni said cutting her off, she knew, she always knew because she felt the same but to hear her say it, to admit it, it would make it real, make it all real and today would break them both because of it.

"But I have to say this...I won' get another chance", Tali said, tears in her eyes.

"I know that sweetheart", Shianni replied, wrapping her arm around her lover and cradling her against herself; "But...please don't say it, I won't be able to bare it if you do", Shianni swallowed

"We could always run away, maybe elope", Tali suggested nuzzling against Shianni, her own hair somewhere between orange and off-pink spread out across her lovers chest "far from the alienage, from father, from anyone that we know, no body would assume we were ...they'd just think we were another young couple in love"

"and I'm supposed to be the reckless one?", Shianni reminded with a small smile; "Sweetheart Cyrion would hunt you down to the _ends of the Thedas_ if you run out on your wedding not to mention kill me for corrupting _you_", Shianni spoke softly, even if the idea had crossed her mind to, actually doing it was another thing; "but seriously Tali, no money, no job, no shelter over our heads"

"Its not that different than our lives here in the alienage now", Tali answered ruefully.

"You have a point but with no family to support us either", Shianni answered.

"We'd have each other", Tali counter-argued; "none of those other things matter to me nearly as much as you do", Tali stated.

"That's sweet of you to say", Shianni smiled back; "But we both know how this ends"

Tali sighed; "Fine...no eloping", she groused; "I still don't see why I have to marry some whelp I've never met, I don't even know what this 'Neleros' looks like let along what he is like as a person and I'm expected to just go along like a good girl...", Tali stated; "Even if you and I weren't lovers..I still wouldn't want this"

"I know", Shianni hugged her again; "but maybe he's attractive or nice and you will love him"

"I doubt that", Tali stated looking away; "I doubt that very much"

Shianni smiled one last time before she separated herself from Tali to get dressed; leaving Tali on the bed to stretch out on her back, her head turned to one side so she could watch Shianni get dressed, first the small clothes then the chest band, and then her all in one outfit that passed for a dress; the she would tie up the loose longer parts of her hair into bunches before lacing up her boots – the boots were always last.

"So I take it you are staying in bed a little longer?", Shianni asked looking back over her shoulder as she tied the laces.

"a little", Tali said; "I didn't get much sleep thanks to someone"

Shianni blushed a shade of red almost as deep as her hair; "Shush you, I heard no complaints at the time

"I wasn't complaining". Tali answered; "Maker knows I'd like to go again right now", Tali stated giving her cousin her best sultry look as she let her eyes wander up and down the latter's body.

"I have things to do", Shianni said protesting as Tali took her cousin by the hands and pulled her down back onto the bed on top, shifting her weight so as not to crush her cousin, resting two hands on her cousins rear quarters and kissing her. "I really do have things to do...", Shianni protested again lamely as Tali moved her mouth up to her cousins ear lobe.

"Nothing that can't wait, I'm kind of the bride, its not like that can start without me anyway", Tali answered mischievously, with that Shianni protested no more.

**A/N**: Woo for first Shianni/Tabris Pairing fic on , I feel special. more to come over the holidays.


	2. Lost

**Lost**

_"Demons Run when a good man goes to war,_

_Night will fall and drown the sun,_

_When a good man goes to war,_

_Friendship dies and true love lies,_

_Night will will fall and dark will rise,_

_When a good man goes to war,_

_Demons run but count the cost,_

_The battle is won but the child is lost,_

_When a good man goes to war"_

_**River Song, The Demons Run**_

Tali sat across from Duncan, the fire crackling between them, as she warmed herself in its bath of heat, staring into the flames. Duncan watched her carefully, he had been since they had made way from the city, as if appraising her in some kind of unknown way, every so often he would run a hand through his beard and fix her with soft eyes and a smile. He was certainly strange, even for a Shem, he sat cleaning his sword, running a white stone down the enchanted blade.

"You keep looking at me", Duncan said, softly.

"No", she said quickly with a blush at being caught; "Yes", she corrected with a sigh; "Maybe?" she admitted; "I'm just trying to figure out why you saved me"

"The Grey Wardens are not in the habit of saving people out of pity I assure you"

The 'wedding' had been a disaster, she wasn't sure if she should have been thankful or not for that, the Arls son had turned up early in the day, Tali had to her credit tried to be diplomatic, but when Vaughan had made a move towards her, to take her for a 'party' Shianni had bottled him and Tali sent his henchmen running, of course Vaughan didn't let it go there, he turned up later with a dozen house guards taken her, Valora, Shianni and the other bridesmaids to the estate then murdered Nola in cold blood before dragging the others off to Vaughan's 'party', leaving her to the mercy of two guards Tali moved with one singular purpose – to get to Shianni, these _monsters_ had taken Shianni, no sooner had Vaughan damned her had Soris arrived like an avenging angel pulling her ass out of the fire; from that point it she had slaughtered her way through the mansion, by now the flights had blurred together into one fuzzy image, her dress, her hair and her face splattered in blood that was mostly not her own. She span the blade a balanced long sword loaned to her by that Shem Duncan driving the point of it into a house guard between the breast plate and helmet cleanly separating his head from his neck with savage ferocity. Soris standing some distance behind her using a crossbow to take out any guards that tried to get on her blind side allowing her to concentrate on cutting a path of bodies towards Shianni;

_Cut, Slash, Parry, Thrust, _she repeated in her head, the halls ran red, she would leave none alive, it was a simple rule – they hurt one of us, we kill all of them. Tali twisted and reversed her grip to thrust her dagger into the gut of a guard who tried to take her from behind, she twisted it and yanked it free, rolling to maintain her momentum. She heard Shianni scream, a blood curdling shriek of horror that would stay with her forever, driving her on forcing her forward, moving faster than even she thought she could, the remaining guards found themselves demoted to mere targets between her and her objective.

She stopped to find Vaughan standing there with a sickly smile on his face, Shianni was laying on the ground, trembling, crying, broken, her dress torn and ripped, her lips bloodied and bruised. Tali clenched her fists around the hilt of her dagger until her knuckles turned white, he had brutalised, no _violated_ Shianni.

Tali paled_ horrified,_as Vaughan taunted hereven here now after she had slaughtered her way through his guards this Shem,_ this monster_, instead of begging for his life with some dignity, was still trying to _negotiate _for the women, bribe her as if Shianni and the others were something he could buy, Tali didn't even dignify his offer with a response instead she charged forward with a battle cry that would stir the maker himself, driving her daggers into Vaughan, he screamed out in pain as the steel thrust into his flesh, Tali ignored it, pulled back and stabbed again, and again an all consuming rage overcoming her self-control as she stabbed him cutting and slashing until all that was left of him could only be described as a red disfigured mess she stabbed until all strength left her, until the tears would fall no more, until she could no longer lift the blade, Soris was in the corner retching the contents of his wedding lunch onto the floor.

Soris grumbled holding his stomach; the words didn't really register with her though as she rushed to Shianni, dropping to her knees, into the red pool of Vaughan's blood that had seeped out over the floor. Taking Shianni in her arms she held her close as her lover sobbed into her chest, tremors raking over her body, trying to sooth away the pain, she looked over at the mess she made of Vaughan's body, she should feel remorse for killing him but she doesn't her only regret is that she won't have the chance to kill him a second time, him and his friends.

Shianni was sniffling and cuddling closer to Tali than might be entirely appropriate even between close family members, Soris if he noticed didn't say anything far to busy still trying not to look at the grizzly sight she had made of the Arls study averting his eyes from the red mess in particular. Shianni shuddered, her lip still bleeding, Tali knew she could still taste the copper of her own blood in her mouth where she had been hit again and again, her arms were already starting to bruise where she had been held down so she couldn't escape while they violated her but they were dead now, all dead, cut down by her kin, but she was broken now, damaged, beyond repair, who would want her now? No amount of time would heal her, her scars ran deep, even Tali's would touch burn her, make her itch and skin crawl. They had taken something precious from her – not her virginity but something that made her, _her _something she was not prepared to give and destroyed it a piece at a time, Shianni was lost in the woods..

Tali had lifted her up and wrapped on arm around her shoulder to support her weight, keeping her turned away from the mess and making sure she didn't slip on the blood. Soris had offered to take her other arm but Tali pushed him away gently if _firmly_, he only nodded in understanding. She was not okay, she would not be okay for a very long time. The trip back to the alienage was uneventful, neither of the three felt like saying anything. Tali never asked and Shianni never told but they both knew; Tali had heard the screams; the others would just assume she had been beaten and she had no want to correct them. It wasn't long after that the city guard arrived, of course they did. An Arls son had been murdered; no matter how much the Shem deserved it.Tali had taken full responsibility for the crime, she would hang for it, she knew it.

Then something unusual happened, Duncan, the Grey Warden had stepped in for her, conscripted her into his order with barely enough time to say goodbye to her family, her friends even Shianni, especially Shianni.

"You are having second thoughts about accepting my offer?" Duncan offered breaking the silence between them as Tali was drawn back into her own thoughts.

"Not really", Tali said looking up from the fire with a sad smile; "Just thinking about my family", she said, _about Shianni._ She didn't add

"I hope I am not prying too deeply but did you leave anyone special behind?", he asked. "You seem rather distracted"

"Yes", she said; "No", she added; "Sort of?", she admitted.

"I was under the impression your fiancé died", Duncan replied; "My Condolences"

"He did", Tali confirmed; "Its kind of complicated"

"I imagine", Duncan nodded.

"You have no idea", she snorted; looking off into the distance, fixed somewhere on the horizon, her thoughts drawn to Shianni and the haunted look in her eyes, that broken feeling; mixed in between seeing what she had done to Vaughan, "Neleros was my betrothed but I never loved him, I barely met him before...I was in love though, with someone, very much" she explained with a bitter sweet smile; "I guess I will never see her again though". She swallowed.

"Perhaps, I do not know where your path will lead, it may lead you to back to her eventually", Duncan stated; "As I said before the Grey Wardens do not take recruits out of pity"

"Why me?", Tali asked; "I'm an elf of all things..."

"You are a Grey Warden, or will be, the Wardens take recruits from every race, regardless of background or past, humans, elves, dwarves, mages, slaves and kings". Duncan explained; "We sacrifice _everything_ to stop the blight, we stand on the wall, many have forgotten but if we sit back and do nothing, the Blight will consume all"

"For Shianni", Tali said, clenching her first tightly; "I do this for her, if fighting darkspawn is the price I have to pay for her life then so be it", her voice colder, harder – resolved with what must be done. "What are they like?" she asked; "Darkspawn I mean"

"Monstrous creatures, tainted by darkness and rotting death with blood black as sin and so poisonous life itself reseeds from it.", Duncan explained.

"I've never killed a man before", Tali said; "N-not until Vaughan and...his guards", she said the image again flashing to her minds eye in pieces, like watching herself as an observer viciously stabbing him over and over again, blood splattering her clothes and her hair with an all consuming anger. "I killed them all, all of the ones that hurt her...should I be ashamed of what I did?"

"Taking a life Tali, _any_ life is not a natural act, it should not be easy, but some lives are brighter than others", Duncan said running a hand through his beard; "what you did was not revenge, it was justice", Duncan put a hand on her shoulder. His words were comforting but somehow Tali wasn't so sure

**A/N:** So I wanted to expand on Duncan a bit, next chapter we will skip forward a bit.


	3. Dark

**Note: **Just a quick shout-out to Nightbrainzz for giving me the idea for this chapter, let it never be said I don't read my reviews. -cough- hint -cough- Incidentally I re-wrote this three times to get it sounding like I wanted. poor Shianni.

**Dark**

Shianni was sat up in her bed, knees pulled up to her chest, wrapped in her woollen blankets, winter was still some months away that wasn't why she was cold, the cold came from inside her, a sense of darkness that had taken root inside her like a gnarled barbed root, gripping her heart, her insides, her very core. The nightmares haunted her sleep, ghosts of Vaughan and his friends holding her down, forcing themselves on her, the sound of her own screams and pleas only driving the monster on more than before, they laughed, _laughed_ at her. Then Tali had come, like an avenging spirit, no not a spirit - a _demon_, a vengeful demon and slaughtered them all with savage abandon. Shianni should feel something over their deaths, joy, or remorse but instead she only felt a sense of detached apathy to the slaughter. It had been three weeks now and still she rarely got a full nights sleep, she would wake in the middle of the night in a pool of sweat and tears jumping at the shadows. Physically, the bruises had faded but the scars remained, mentally she would never be the same, _Scar tissue is stronger than muscle tissue, realise that strength_, that is what Tali would have said, she could picture her cousin there standing with her hands on her hips telling her to get her backside out of bed and stop moping. She smiled to herself at the image, Cyrion had been kind enough to give her Tali's room, the pillows still smelled of her lover, something she took comfort in and drew strength from, after the first few days, she didn't know how she would go on. She was thankful that Tali had saved her form that horror but she wondred if the price of losing her cousin, and her lover to the Grey Wardens was truly worth it.. She wished more than anything Tali was still here, Tali would know what to do, know how to hold her close until her fears went away with her flinching from her, know to whisper in her ear all the things she needed to to be told, putting herself between Shianni and the darkness, standing over her to scare away the monsters that hungered for her but now Tali was gone, she didn't even know if she would ever come back or be able to come back. Shianni wondered maybe it was better if she had died that day, a sword to the head might have been a better mercy that living like this

Tali's voice came to her again, it was their last meeting, she had come to the elders house, where she had withdrawn after her rescue, Shianni sat in one corner, Tali stood leaning against a wall; - _I will __**always**__ love you, nothing that monster did to you will __**ever**__ change that. I __**will**__ come back. _Her words were soft as she sat down taking her hands in her own, It was the last time she had spoken to her, she had kissed her, deeply and Shianni had kissed her back like a woman dying of thirst in a desert, she smiled at the memory, then she was gone, Duncan had come for her and she had given the man a resolute nod and she was taken away to fight darkspawn, to walk the places others fear to go, to stand on the bridge and hold the line against the dark. Shianni smiled to herself as she thought of the woman she loved it helped to keep other thoughts away, thoughts about Vaughan and what he did to her, but she knew, _knew_ that Tali would keep her word, if she could come home to her, she would.

The wooden door to her own space knocked three times in a deep thud.

"Come in", she said, trying not to sound like a fearful wallflower that she had become,. Soris came in, flashing he a smile; "Hey cousin!" he said, looking at her, he tried to force a smile but just looking at the dishevelled mess that had become of his cousin made his heart break, her clothes were at least a day old, she had her knees pulled up tight her hair was a raggedy mess of red with shadows in her eyes, gone was the vibrant young woman he had known just a few weeks ago, a broken mess in her wake.

Soris sitting down next to her on the bed, he silently wished Tali was here, she would know what to say, what to do to make this right, make this better, she always did, she was the strongest, not in stature but she had a resistance to her spirit which never flagged, they could kill her but they would never break her, he wished he had that right now, wished he could bottle it and give some to Shianni for she surely needed it. He remembered a time when he was just a lad, not much more than five summers when was cornered, surrounded by three bullies, their leader was older than him and built like a stone privy, they had wanted all the money he had, nothing more than a few bits and a silver he had saved for his lunch, even in the alienage, the strong prayed on the weak, he knew was going to be beaten to an inch of his life then out of nowhere there was Tali coming in swinging like a vengeful god possessed, beating the living daylights out of three boys twice her size sending them running and pulling his ass out of the fire, after that the two of them were inseparable, like partners in crime, what he wouldn't give right now to have her here. _What would Tali do_, he tried to think; he had seen Tali and Shianni become closer over the last few years, at times he felt like the outsider looking in but he put it down to them being both girls, it was a woman thing, girls were bound to get on together better, but the way they looked at each other sometimes when they thought he wasn't looking was crazy, but his dismissed any thoughts of them being lovers, in another life maybe but here they were family.

"Are you...", he stopped himself, asked if she was okay was stupid, she was not okay, she would not be okay for a long, _long_ time if ever. He remembered how Tali had calmed her that first night in Vaughan's estate, hugged her closely until she stopped shaking but when he put his hand on Shianni's shoulder she instinctively flinched away from his touch._ Bad idea, _he told himself, _touching is bad_. "Sorry", he apologised. It sounded lame even to him.

"its not your fault Soris", Shianni said, looking away; "I just...please don't" she asked, he could only nod and swallowed hard, He didn't know what to say, what could he say that didn't sound completely stupid or insane, Tali was so much better at this.

Cyrion Tabris entered; his long grey hair tied back into a pony tail, his eyes too were older, sadder, Shianni had never seen him cry, ever but it was clear he was struggling to hold himself together, news in the alienage was hard to come by than the rest of Denerim; - no one cared about the elves but as the steady stream of the dead and walking wounded had started to arrive from Ostagar along with the news of Cailan death, Valendrian was scrambling frantically to find out what had happened to the Wardens at Ostagar especially Tali before the new Arl, a man named Howe, Rendon Howe had lead a purge, Shianni remembered the riot, she Soris and her Uncle had stayed huddled in their home; she remember the screams and the smell of burning buildings, smoke and the rotting dead for the second time Shianni her world was falling apart, it felt like someone had kicked her in the gut, hard

Cyrion offered Shianni a mug, she took it gingerly and smelled the aroma, it was his special mix of honey mead, lemon and a hint of Antivan brandy, the brew was a family recipe which calmed the nerves, her nerves especially and the smell was something she loved and adored, Tali would often make it for her when she was feeling downbeat, she missed her,

"Better Shianni?" he asked, his voice was soft and gentle, over the years Shianni had come to be like a daughter to him as much as Tali, that the two of them were as close as sisters pleased him.

"Yes, Thank you", Shianni said sipping the brew, with a calming sigh.

"Do you feel like going out today?", he asked, there was no presure behind his words, Cyrion could be both a hard task master with a way of looking at you that could make your knees wobble but other times he could lift you up and there was no one you would rather have on your side.

"You think he will bring news today?", Shianni asked. Cyrion had not wanted to send his only daughter off to war, he had wanted her to have a better life married to a good man, a life outside the alienage, where she would bare him many grandchildren that he would bounce happily on his knee and spoil rotten, fate had other ideas however and now he didn't know if she lived or if she was with the maker, not knowing was the worst.

"So do you feel like coming out?", he asked again.

"I...", she paused, took a gulp of the brew to steady her nerves, then a deep breath; _Stop being a baby,_ Tali's voice again in her ear; "I will come with you" she said with a small smile

"I will be happy for the company; and you Soris?", he asked.

"Of course", Soris agreed without any hesitation as the two went back out to let her get dressed and wash up, Shianni pushed the blankets off her; "Just one step" she said; _great things from small steps _that is what Tali would say as she stretched and dressed, "I will not fear, because you walk with me, my love", she repeated to steel her resolve. Dressing quickly in a brown and white ankle length dress, bunching up her hair, she stared at her reflection in the mirror, she wondered if Tali was thinking of her, and somehow, she knew she was. Stepping out of her room her legs wobbled slightly but she steadied herself on the wall and moved to the wooden door that separated her from the outside world, grasping the handle she hesitated closing her eyes. _Its just a door Shianni,_ Tali's voice came to her again; _if its in your way knock it down_. she nodded firmly to herself and pulled the door open, squinting in the light; as her eyes adjusted from some weeks under just candlelight, she took a deep breath taking in the scent of the vhenadahl, she smiled, maybe this was a good idea after all. She looked over at Cyrion who was talking with Elder Valendrian, her uncles face was crestfallen, in all her years she had never seen the man cry but here now, he was clearly struggling to hold himself together, Shianni walked each step heavier than the last a pit of dread forming in her gut as she grew closer.

"What is it uncle?" she asked, she wanted to know, had to know. "is it about Tali?"

"Maker, Shianni, the...", he began but hesitated, Valendrian cut in; "it has been, difficult to pin down news about the battle, the regent has declared the wardens traitors according to Loghain all of the wardens were killed at Ostagar...", his eyes took on a sad distant look that must have mirrored her own.

"No", Shianni said taking a step back; "it can't be", she shook her head; "No", the feeling hit her like a punch in the stomach, "Please maker no", she shook her head tears falling on their own accord, she refused to believe it, she loved Tali, she felt like she would _know_ if Tali was dead, she couldn't,_ wouldn't_ lose her like this.


	4. Falling

**Notes: **Thanks again for the reviews guys, while I'm not petty enough to hold back any chapters if people don't review because I love to write anyway, but it is _appreciated_. Birthofthecool – my version of Origins and DA2 are both PS3 so no mods for me, as for the missing words it seems quick-edit really, _really_ hates me and removes words randomly sometimes after I've uploaded but cheers! Anyway, lets pick up with Tali after Lothering some Alistair goodness too

**Falling**

_screaming, there was screaming, loud unbearable blood curdling screams, she stood in Lothering clad in armour her two handed great-sword – a long grey iron claymore blade with a wicked cutting edge she had liberated from a Chasind cache - a barbaric weapon but effective used for bludgeoning opponents into submission nestled in its scabbard. Nothing felt right about this, a pit of unease in her stomach forming with every step. Tali turned to her left "Alistair?", she looked around, but didn't see him; "Leiliana? Morrigan? Sten?" she called out one by one but received no answer, the screaming only seemed to get louder, the darkness thicker the fog heavier as if moving through viscous fluid, she looked up to see the sky over head a dark shade of green dark as night. with swirling black clouds. The screaming seemed to only intensify louder reaching a crescendo of whaling and suffering. She found herself knocking on the door to Danes refuge – the world flashed around her and she was now surrounded by bodies, some mutilated beyond recognition blood splattered everywhere, buildings of the small picturesque village ignited and burned, her nose assaulted by the smell of smoke and burning wood her world span as she was bathed in heat. _

"_You should have saved us Tali", Alistair's voice came from behind her, she span around, only to wish she hadn't; Alistair's face was not his own; his flesh was rotting and barely holding onto his bone like it had been melted or burned with black blood pouring down his face out of his eye sockets "You failed us", Leiliana this time, her armour torn and body mutilated beyond all healing magic; her arm dangling at an oblique anger where her shoulder had been gnarled on. "_**Vashedan**, You are no Warden", Sten's voice deep and his eyes grey and accusing. _Tali backed away slowly a step at a time as her feat became heavy, her knees wobbled._

"_No, no its not true", Tali said, pleading with the ghostly visages before her._

"_You broke your promise Tali", This voice, she hesitated to turn, her blood ran cold, so cold she felt like she had ice water in her vein._

"_Shianni?", Tali said softly, tears running down her cheek; "Please Shianni I didn't I swear" she pleaded. Her body turning against her will, Shianni was stood there, her dress torn, body bruised the way it had been after she found her at Vaughan's estate, a broken look in her eye. _

"_Please no", Tali repeated. Then she heard **it**, overhead the shrill of its call, the bellow of the beat of its wings as wind was whipped up by its decent, gusting against her, forcing small pieces of debris and carnage to fly through the air. It circled three times, rearing its head to unleash a torrent of blue and purple flame from its black triangular shaped head razing the wheat field before it landed on thick black scaled talons wings spread out rampant raising its head with a nightly bellowing rear that turned the sky black and reascended the fog but enveloped everything in darkness the world slipping away from her. **It** looked at her, it **knew** she was their, called her by name before it ripped Shianni away from her launching itself skyward. _

"_No! Shianni!"_

"Please", Tali tossed in her sleep; "don't you take her!", she called out. Screamed it as she thrashed about on her bedroll, Alistair looked over at his fellow Warden, a look of concern passing his face, he was starting to make a habit of watching her sleep, he liked it when that certain harshness to her features gave way to peace that came when she slept, often he found it relaxing to watch the rhythmic gentle breathing along with the rise and fall of her chest. He watched as she thrashed about, leaning in over her he shook her by the shoulder.

"Tali wake up!", Alistair said shaking her gently. Tali's eyes snapped open, not recognising her surroundings and in blind panic she punched Alistair in the nose sending him tumbling back onto his backside. "Ow!" he yelped

"Maferath blighted balls!", Tali said her voice shaky and cold sweat still dripping off her forehead, she looked over at Alistair who was cradling his face. "Sorry" she said, wincing, as she went to his side.

"Ah yes", Alistair said from near her side still holding his nose, that was bleeding quite profusely; "Are you okay?" he asked, trying to push aside the pain in his face.

"Fine, _Fine"_ she said trying not to sound shaken; "Are you?" she asked. Her concern was touching, Alistair told himself trying to force a smile.

"I'll live", he said with a blush; "Maker you sure can punch, I might start to feel sorry for the darkspawn!", he chuckled as she mouthed another '_sorry_'. "I saw you thrashing around and whimpering I thought I'd wake you. I had the dreams too for the first few weeks...they fade after a while but, it really freaked me out", Alistair offered.

"Yeah...", she paused and sighed; "Thanks Alistair", she looked at him sympathetically making him smile as she reached into her knapsack and took out a small cloth to wipe the blood off his face. "What what _that_?"she asked while he watched her hands, small with deft delicate fingers.

"That was the Arch demon you see, we hear it, just like the darkspawn, that is how Duncan knew this is really a blight", Alistair stated still admiring her hands, _pretty hands_, he thought, they would fit perfectly in his own, oh how he would love to hold her hands, it had been attraction at first sight for him, especially after she made that crack about him and the Remigold, since then he had done his best to try flirting with her, but being raised in the chantry certainly put him at a disadvantage to other men, his education was somewhat less than complete when it came to women.

"So that dragon is the arch-demon...great how are we supposed to kill that thing", she said absently looking off into the distance then shaking her head as if to clear some kind of fuzziness in her mind. "thanks for well waking me", she said trying to force a smile.

"That's what I'm here for, to deliver bad news with glib jokes and a smile", he replied, Tali chuckled and pulled back having finished cleaning off the blood.

"So, any other surprises?", she asked, crossing her legs in the long trews and loose fitting shirt she usually wore when she wasn't wearing full plate. Alistair had to wonder where she got the strength from, Tali was a scrawny thing but she wore full plate as well as any human knight he'd seen and swung that two-handed sword of hers like it belonged in her hand if her performance in the Tower of Ishal was anything to go by at least. He coughed realising that he had zoned out

"Other than being horribly _tainted_ by the darkspawn, rendered nearly infertile and being called to the deep roads to die fighting waves of darkspawn thirty summers from now give or take?", he asked in his glib jovial tone; "not so much"

"Joy", she replied sarcastically. Alistair knew he was not what she expected from a Grey Warden, if Duncan was everything a Warden should be, the best humanity would offer against the blight, Alistair knew that he wasn't. He was not humanities best, he was awkward, aweful at flirting and lacked confidence in his own ability outside of slaying darkspawn. "Sorry if I sound a little...", she paused as if trying to find the right word.

"Angry?", Alistair supplied as he moved back to his bed roll offering her a kind smile and more personnel space. Sensing she might need it, and hoping to get out of reach in case she decided to try and punch him again.

"Yeah" she said nodding "I'm still a bit overwhelmed by this whole thing", _that was putting it lightly _Alistair added to himself mentally, _but damn if she hadn't taken it like a trooper_

"I would be to, you were supposed to get months of training after the joining but with Duncan and the others...gone", he paused looking away; "anyway its fine to be angry or whatever, I would be", of course he had been chomping at the bit to get out of the chantry, Duncan's arrival had been a blessing from the maker himself, looking at Tali and the scrawny mess she was when they arrived at Ostagar he doubted her conscription had been entirely voluntary, still in the weeks since then they had spent travelling and at Lothering she had settled into it, _ maker knows she is a far better commander than I would be_, he thought to himself

"Thanks", Tali smiled back, given the choice between the crazy sister, the angry swamp witch and the giant who only talked in riddles Alistair would take Tali's company any day, he only wished he could express himself better to her, tell her how he was feeling and hope she felt the same.

"Can I ask you something?", he looked back at her hoping to change the subject away from Duncan and the Wardens, it was still very hard for him, his own father never wanted him, he was never made welcome at Redcliff since Isolde had forced Eamon to disown him and send him off to the Chantry but then he found Duncan or Duncan found him, and he found a family with the Wardens, but they were all gone now.

"Sure I guess", Tali replied looking up at him expectantly, clearly unsure of what it was he wanted to talk about, he knew that usually it was left to her to start the conversation, of course he knew once he got going it was like opening the flood gates, she had never made him feel uncomfortable talking but he always felt strange taking that initiative.

"When you were thrashing about", he paused trying to figure out the best way to phrase his question without raising her anger; his nose still reminding him painfully of how hard she could punch, he was only glad she didn't have her armour on at the time. "You mentioned someone, a name - Shianni", he said watching her cheeks turn a shade of pink, _was she blushing _he raised an eyebrow.

I did?" Tali replied biting her lip and looking down; "its...kind of personnel and complicated" she replied distantly, clearly not really wanting to talk about it and the look on her face showing that she had no idea where to even start.

"I'm not good with elven names but...yeah I was just curious they sounded kind of important to you", he smiled; "if you don't walk to talk about it that's fine, we'll go, yes, lets just go forget I said anything" he added quickly; "we've got to pack up camp anyway if we want to be at the circle tower before nightfall", he finished standing up, that lack of confidence kicking in, he quickly retreated to the pile of cheese wheels they had acquired from a merchant Lothering Market, leaving Tali to her own thoughts.


	5. Demon

**Notes:** Next up, "The Fade". I really disliked this part of the game; partly because the Sloth demon seemed so dumb, given all the tragedy in the Origins and things "The Warden" could want, he picked Duncan and ending the blight as their biggest fantasy? pfft please.

**Demon**

Tali had her eyes closed, the smell of sandalwood and a scent of lavender, she felt something solid against her back with the weight and warmth of something else resting against her, she opened her eyes and looked down at the mess of red hair against her chest, her arms wrapped around Shianni cradling her gently. She was content, Tali looked up at the leaves of the overhanging vhenadahl – the tree of the people, large and strong, its leaves in full bloom with the summer sun bathing them in light and warmth. All Tali wanted to do was stay here forever, she kissed the top of Shianni's head.

"This is the best", Tali said with a warm and kind smile, thoughts of blights, mages and demons long forgotten.

"It is", Shianni agreed; cuddling closer; "You know what this is don't you?"

"A Perfect day", Tali answered.

"A Perfect Day", Shianni replied, leaning up to kiss her, Tali returned it lovingly, tenderly squeezing a little tighter around her waist. "I could stay here forever", Shianni added as she pulled back.

"I was just thinking that", Tali replied easily enjoying the feeling of the warm sun on her face, as it filtered down through the leaves of the vhenadahl, she tried to remember a time she felt more content, but she couldn't. She ran a hand down the back of Shianni's ear stroking it the way she had before her wedding night; she thought about her wedding, that seemed like a life time ago now, a feeling of unease and doubt filled her stomach but she shook it off, suppressed it willingly.

"I love you, you know", Tali said; "More than anything"

"Of course. I love you too", Shianni replied, she could hear the chirping of song-birds, nesting in the vhenadahl somewhere above allowing herself to rest against its thick trunk, she just wished she could remember how they got to this point, sometimes images would come to her, like a faded dream playing in her head she couldn't hold on to, people she had never met, and places she had never been, the nagging feeling of doubt clawing at her, screaming at her something was wrong even as she batted it away. She was with Shianni, nothing could be wrong, she pushed it down and focused on the warmth of her lover and the sound of children playing closing her eyes.

"Ah there you two are!", the voice old and kind; it was her father, she opened her eyes and looked over; "I can't leave you two alone for five minutes!" he said with a grin, his hair a little greyer and tied back riding on the winds was the smell of freshly baked bread.

"Sorry", Tali replied sheepishly. "You two _were_ supposed to help me bake", Cyrion chuckled, no hint of disprovable in his voice as Shianni nestled her head into the crook of Tali's neck as he offered a kind smile.

"It was just such a beautiful day", Tali replied; "seemed such a shame to spend it inside baking"

"It is a beautiful day", Cyrion admitted with another chuckle; "well it was your idea to open the bakery Tali, you can't run a business and spend all day slacking off with your lover now can you?", Cyrion added but sounded more amused than annoyed. Tali always thought her father would disprove of their relationship, disown her, throw her and Shianni out and vow to never speak to them again, they would be shamed for their transgression in front of the entire alienage, she couldn't remember exactly how it had come out but he was quite understanding of the whole thing and no one else in the alienage seemed to pay the two lovers a second glance she couldn't remember why she had worried about it at all. .

"Hey there!", Soris called for them; she looked over; he was carrying a wicker bakers hamper that was slung around his neck and held against his chest "there you two are, I thought I was going to have to search the whole alienage to find you. Got another order, we've already sold this basket, the cookies are really popular!"

"See, you two, time to get back to work!", Cyrion added; "I'm not running this place on my own, besides no body makes those cookies like you do". Tali chuckled, nudging Shianni in the shoulder gently, her cousin reluctantly standing and pulling Tali to her feet, the two shared a close embrace and a kiss, Tali wrapping hands around the latter waist and resting her hands on her rear quarters giving her buttocks a playful squeeze through her dress.

"You are so beautiful, have I told you that?", Tali asked. Running a hand behind Shianni's ear.

"Every day", Shianni said blushing.

"Well its not enough", Tali replied, kissing her again this time more passionately.

"Now you two, save that for the privacy of your room", Cyrion grinned; "I'm sure you don't want the entire alienage privy to _that_ now do you?"

"Maybe", Tali replied taking Shianni by the hand and intertwining her fingers; "I want them to know how lucky I am", she grinned and Cyrion could only shake his head in amusement.

"Just behave!", he mock chided; "you have work to do, I'm done for the day", he smiled and walked away towards his home, it wasn't her home any more after she and Shianni had 'come out' so to speak they had moved into their own home on the other side of the alienage.

"Of course", Tali said, she almost skipped over to the bakery; hand in hand with Shianni, they went over to the small house nestled between the Orphanage and Alarith's general store. It wasn't a big place on the whole - it contained a glass window along the front displaying various baked goods from fresh breads to sweet biscuits and cakes aligned in trays, with a counter for sales and a small kitchen area in the back to prepare and cook but to Tali it was perfect. Soris was already standing behind the counter, his delivery basket resting on the back counter.

"Uncle wants you two to cook the next batch ready for sale", Soris said; "I'll watch the front of the shop for customers", he said with a wave of hand as the two girls ducked under the counter rail, Tali and Shianni disappeared into the back kitchen area. Tali took an pink apron from the rack, tying it around her waist before washing her hands, going over to the cupboard and taking down her supplies to prepare her cooking area, Shianni meanwhile resting her back against the other counter picked up a leftover cupcake with delicate frosting. Taking a bite of the sugary treat she gave a satisfied "hmm"

"Behave" Tali said rolling out the flower as she started to mix the ingredients in a bowl "eat to many of those my love and you will ruin that fine figure of yours", she started taking a spoon to stir.

"One cupcake is not going to hurt that", Shianni replied, coming up behind her lover and wrapping her arms around her waist, entwining her hands at Talis stomach and resting her chin on Tali's shoulder, breathing in her scent. "You make the best sweets"

"Of course I do", Tali said leaning back into Shianni as she stirred, relishing her warmth and her touch as she closed her eyes listening to the sound her her breathing and the rhythmic thwack of the wooden spoon. After a while she turned out the mixture started to fold and kneed the dough over and over again to make the bread. Shianni nibbled on her ear chewing the bottom edge and working her way up to the pointed tips with a small giggle. "Stop that", she protested, "I have to do this right", she stated but only protested lamely, she wasn't even convincing herself let alone Shianni that she really wanted her to stop.

"_Make_ me", Shianni said, continuing her ministrations on Tali's ear before working down to her neck, soliciting a small wimpier as she worked her hand under the apron to Tali's chest. _Maker why do I suddenly feel so out of breath_. "Hmm see its nice and I love your sugary treats", Shianni said with a grin earning only a contented sigh from her lover.

"You are a bad, _bad_ woman Shianni", Tali answered.

"That's why you love me", Shianni replied.

"Partly", Tali replied with a smirk.

"And the other part?", Shianni asked curiously.

"Because I can do this", Tali said with a grin as she turned the tables on her lover lifting Shianni up onto the opposite counter, pressing her into the back of the tabletop running a hand up the loose fitting shirt she was wearing, she captured her lovers lips, tasting their lavender and cherry flavour along with the left over sugar from the cake Shianni had devoured earlier as Shianni wrapped her arms around Tali's neck the bread all but forgotten as they got lost in the passion of each other as loving touches flowed between them.

Much later, Tali was resting in bed, Shianni cuddled up next to her resting her head on her chest one arm draped over her, Tali looked over as the door creaked open, a dark haired woman entered, dressed in long black rags which just about passed for vesterments, a staff resting via a sling on her back. "Ah you are here finally!" the woman said. Tali jumped out of bed, drawing a long silver dagger aiming it point first at the intruder as Shianni drew herself back under the covers, pulling them up around her chest.

"Andraste's Flaming Brazier! What you you doing my house!", Tali shouted; "Who...", she paused for a moment; "wait. I know you...don't I?" she said, her voice low and confused.

"Yes", the intruder replied; "We...well I would not say we're friend exactly but we are companions", she said. Tali kept the dagger raised non the less

"Tali who is this woman!", Shianni yelled.

"I...", Tali hesitated her face scrunching up in confusion; "I'm not sure", Tali stated.

"Tali, you need to listen very carefully, this is going to sound insane to you but, none of this is real except you and I, we are in the fade", Morrigan added; "This is all a dream"

Tali cocked her head to one side and looked at her incredulously; "You can't be serious, this is a joke".

"If only it were so". Morrigan shook her head; " Nothing here is real Tali, You have to trust me"

"I don't even know who you are!", Tali yelled back.

"Think Tali, think about how you got here. What were you doing before this", Morrigan asked.

"I...", Tali looked thoughtful; "its kind of fuzzy", she replied, looking away; "why can't I remember...I should", her brow narrowed in confusion, that nagging feeling she had been feeling in the core of her stomach returned in full force, overwhelming her senses, she felt strangled by the world around her, shaking her head. "Don't make me do this"

"_Please_", Morrigan said, the word sticking in her throat; "_think_ about where you are". Tali closed her eyes, thinking back. "We were in the circle...there was a demon", the world shook around her as reality shimmered and began to liquefy, the world behind the world falling away into a twisted mass of of black and grey before falling away into the raw fade as the world was cut asunder. Tali opened her eyes as Shianni evaporated into the mist of the fade, Tali couldn't help the sniffle as she wiped away the tears with the sleeve of her shirt. "Do you need a moment?", Morrigan asked looking at the trembling warden and biting her lip.

"No", Tali said but it came out like a weak murmur, "No" she repeated hardening her voice but not quote composing herself until she clenched her firsts letting the anger boil over inside her blood narrowing her brow then drawing her sword. "Tell me of this place, Morrigan"

"The demon resides in its fortress – the centre island, protected by powerful magic and several demon underlings, you have a plan?", Morrigan replied, trying not to look at the sad shadowed eyes of there leader.

"I am going to kill my way through them one by one and then I am going to cut this demons _**heart**_ out", Tali said cracking her knuckles and striding off into the fade portal. "If there is one thing, just _one_ thing you should _**never**_ come after me with with the people I _love_"


	6. Bonding

**A/N: **Now, a follow up to the last chapter, back in camp, as always thank you all for your reviews and feedback. As for how many more chapters this has in it...I don't know, this was originally a distraction from 'Writers Hell' but its sort of taken on life of its own, it certain has a few in it yet, including at least one other "mile stone" moment for Tali like the one in the fade before we get to Denerim. Next chapter will either skip or we'll visit Shianni. Haven't decided yet.

**Bonding**

The trip through the circle tower had been, not what she expected, abominations ruining loose in the halls, possessed and just down right crazy Templars. She had expected the Circle to be more orderly, more passive, she had chosen it because it had been the closest to Lothering and she assumed would have been the easiest place to begin, she was wrong, then on top of being exhausted from battle with maker knows what manner of creatures the fade dream had been on her mind, as a child she never had trouble sleeping, somehow she doubted she would ever sleep very well again, then she had helped Sten search the lake shoreline for his sword which though he was grateful for had proved fruitless but from another scavenger kept the trail warm for now, but it would be chaos and luck if they ran across this Fayrn, after that Tali had helped set up camp, _never ask your men to do something you are not willing to do yourself_, though useful advice from the Qunari, all in all she was exhausted.

Tali started to undo the armour straps on her set of full plate she had taken to wearing, yawning. "I can do that for you", Alistair offered jumping to his feet as he reached for the straps under the pauldrons at the side of her Cuirass.

"I can do it just _fine_", she snapped batting his hands away; she was tired, she knew it and she knew he was just trying to help but she wasn't in the mood for it. "sorry" she said, undoing them herself after several minutes before heading off towards Morrigans camp away from camp, as she had taken to calling it.

"Warden", Morrigan offered in greeting as Tali sat by the fire, taking in the warm heat of the stoked open flame, with a black pot set over it cooking something which smelled delicious. "What do I owe this pleasure?", it wasn't that she was ambivalent towards the warden, in fact out of all of their companions so far Tali was the only one she even remotely liked.

"Just needed some quiet", Tali replied easily. "I really don't want to deal with Alistair and his awkward flirting or Leiliana prattle on about _shoes_ tonight", she added with a sigh; "Oh and Sten staring at my breasts trying to figure out if I'm _actually_ female", she shook her head in dismay; "Women are artisans, farmers and priests", she replied in her best deep voice mocking the giants way of addressing her and doubts of her gender.

"You forgot Wynn's Grandmotherly platitudes" Morrigan laughed, "Truth be told I do not mind your company", she was still chuckling to herself at Tali's 'Sten impression' "You are welcome to join me for dinner"

"That is very uncharacteristically kind of you Morrigan", Tali said coking her head to one side curiously

"My cooking is far better than anything the Templar _fool_ can come up with, is it lumpy grey stew again tonight I take it?", Morrigan added after a moment to stir

"Now _that_ I expected", Tali answered earning a smile; "Alistair is not that bad". Morrigan raised an eyebrow as if to ask '_really_' . "Awkward flirting aside, he's a good man even if we have our differences of opinion", Tali added and it was true, she thought he was a good man, if a bit on the unusual side, he was no Duncan but he was easy going.

"I take it you do not share the fools affections, warden?", Morrigan asked, pausing again to lift the lid on the pot and stir its contents, wafting the smell, that was making Tali more hungry than she already felt.

"Tali. You're welcome to call me Tali, why is it always warden this, warden that 'oh look the _warden_' I have a name, I wish people would use it more", Tali sighed to herself making her companion chuckle again; "and to answer your question no, not so much, I'm committed to someone else", she answered.

"The girl I saw you with in the fade?", Morrigan asked dipping a soup ladle into the pot and lifting out two helpings into bowls one for herself and one for Tali. Passing the later over along with a spoon from her knapsack to eat with.

"Shianni", Tali said nodding before looking off zoning out for a moment.

"For what it was worth you, did seem happy", Morrigan answered hesitantly bringing Tali back to reality as she started to eat.

"It all seemed so real", Tali started, it wasn't so much a question.

"As it was supposed to be", Morrigan replied tasting her own soup before taking a larger spoonful.

"I should have been able to tell, I feel like I let her down because I couldn't tell it wasn't her", she asked looking over the fire at the witch.

"The demon was old, and powerful, it took your wants and desires to create a fantasy world and then mixed in just enough of the part of her you carry with formed from your own memories and thoughts to create a world real enough that you wouldn't _want_ to question it, created a perfect world twisting it against you", Morrigan answered; "Mix just enough truth in with the lie, and you make the lie more believable anyone would be fooled"

"You weren't", Tali said; "Since you saved me"

"We mages have an advantage, we consciously lean to navigate the fade as you would the waking world, it is not a _fair_ comparison to blame yourself ", Morrigan said waving her hand as if it were a simple thing.

"So what did it show you?", Tali asked.

"My mother", Morrigan replied.

"your mother?", Tali asked.

"My mother", Morrigan paused; "Perhaps how I wish she may have been, but I know my mother is too old and too stubborn to ever be what it showed me, in the end it created a poor copy of her to hold me in its web, a copy I destroyed", she paused; "Do you love her? The girl, Shianni. Do you love her?"

"Yes", Tali replied without hesitation; "I do"

"Love is a weakness Tali", Morrigan replied a worrying expression caught her features.

"Love gives me strength", Tali answered; "Love is the whole reason I'm even here doing this now...if it wasn't for love I don;t know if I would be able to go on", she admitted as she thought about Shianni, about their last night together and it brought a smile to her face. "Have you ever been in love Morrigan?", Tali asked changing the subject.

"No", She stated quickly; "nor do I have a desire to be"

"That is a great shame", Tali answered.

"Flemeth taught me all I needed to know of it, that it makes you weak and I have no need of it", Morrigan answered clearly agitated.

"Maybe Flemeth was wrong", Tali offered; "Oh that reminds me", Tali said putting her bowl down for a moment and reaching into her own knapsack, ruffling around through several items she had borrowed from the circle tower, taking out a hard leather bound book with a black cover and the tree of life etched into the hard wood. "I Figured you might want this, I found it locked in a chest while clearing out Irving's office"

"This is", Morrigan paused taking the book as if it were a delicate a precious thing; "_this_ is Flemeths Grimmoire, I had meant to ask you to look for it but I never truly thought...thank you this will be most useful to me", Morrigan if she could smile more it would be ear to ear; "Truly. Thank you Tali I am in your debt"

"Your welcome", Tali answered; "besides you saved my bacon, consider us even", Tali chuckled it was good to see her happy as Morrigan smiling at all was a rare thing, Tali had gone out of her way to make sure each of her companions was at least content in some way, which wasn't always easy "What do you hope to find in their anyway?"

"Secrets", Morrigan answered preening over her new acquisition as a cat would a piece of cheese "Of which my mother has _many_, things she did not want even me to know"

"Well for what its worth, I hope you find what you are looking for", Tali answered. She then laced her fingers together in her lap and looked down, feeling the tug if tirdness calling her away even as fear ebbed at her. "Morrigan...would you mind if I slept here tonight", she asked biting her lip nervously unable to meet the older woman's eye.

"For what purpose?", Morrigan asked, cocking one eyebrow.

"truthfully?" Tali asked looking up pausing a beat; "...I'm scared, _terrified_ actually of going to sleep and not being able to wake up", she said looking away.

"You can sleep here tonight, but if you grope me I will turn you into a toad", she added only partly joking as she made room on the bed roll for her guest.

"Deal", Tali agreed with a small laugh with that settled she picked up one of the small blankets and wrapped it around her shoulders as she migrated to the bedroll and nestled down to sleep, closing her eyes and letting sleep claim her, it had been a long and trying day, she wondered if Shianni was thinking of her, and somehow, somewhere she knew she was.


End file.
